I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
