I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
