When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
