38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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