I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
