speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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