Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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