Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
3 2 1 whiskey
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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