Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
