i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
