a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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