Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
