go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
