could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
