Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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