okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
