I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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