Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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