just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
