I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
