What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
