yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we're so committed to being not committed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
