I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
