Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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