The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
