Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
