I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want her autograph on my taint
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
