you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
