just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
