I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
