We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
