I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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