Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
