Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
