I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
