....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
