Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
