I showed him my bush... on skype.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You made out with two different species that night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
