If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
