after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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