My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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