Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
