your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
