Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
