did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
