I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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