sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
