these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
