Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
