We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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