Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
