So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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