Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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